Archives for November 2012

So crispy tonight.

So very crispy.

I’m done.

I bought five Powerball tickets today.

C’mon big money!

I made a point to buy Powerball tickets today. Because of the big jackpot, naturally, but also for another compelling reason: My Dad would’ve bought a ticket.

Dad loved the lottery and scratch tickets. Because of the chance of winning. He did not over-indulge, mind you, he kept himself to a budget.

On his birthday and Father’s Day my brother and I would always get Dad some scratch tickets. Once he got them, he’d start scratching, anxious to see if he were a winner. To the exclusion of everyone else. I felt it was money well spent, a great gift for a man who had most everything he needed.

So, in honor of my father, I bought some damn Powerball tickets.

[C’mon Big Money!]

I’ve written a poem since my last post and started another (I should be working more quickly, eh?)

I worked today. It was fine.

It’s a Monday.

I didn’t wake up feeling happy. But let me tell you this, I NEVER wake up happy because I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON! So there! It has nothing to do with my cheerful depression. I am just not a morning person. Especially at six o clock in the morning.

I watched/listened to a TED Talk today that gave ways we can determine if someone is lying to us. And one of the things, the tells, is “formal language”, like not using contractions when you speak. Which means that I might just be a LYING LIAR because I did not contract a couple of things in the last paragraph.

So there.

Also: someone (not me) bought inferior batteries and they suck. I am on the second battery in two weeks for my mouse and it’s ALREADY failing. Le sigh. [This is the passive aggressive paragraph.]

Off to do more scheming.

I’m working on it.

It has occurred to me that I am not always being the person I want to be.

The person I want to be does all the things she says she’ll do – and if she can’t, she takes responsibility for not doing them. Like by saying, I can’t do that. I said I’d plan a retreat in October – obviously it didn’t work out. I still haven’t emailed to apologize or tell her what’s going on.

The person I want to be communicates effectively. And timely. If someone contacts her, she contacts them back. Within a specific frame time. A week max. Maybe. A friend, a close friend, mind you, sent me an email shortly after Dad died expressing his condolences. I still haven’t emailed him back. Another friend sent me a Facebook message last week asking me a question. I haven’t replied yet. Another friend, who I’ve been out-of-touch with (mainly because she is NOT on social media), as far as I know, doesn’t know Dad died because I haven’t emailed her.

The person I want to be is decisive and on top of things. I’m scheduling another Lounging with LannaLee Salon night, and I’ve dropped the ball (again). I need to schedule more interviews, and I can’t seem to get myself to the computer to just ASK people. I need to make a bunch of things for my indiegogo campaign, and instead I spent two days watching many, many episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Edmund and I, in our Bureau of Awesome podcast, talked about being cheerfully depressed. The thing is, I am. I mean, I’m doing well considering the year we’ve had, but sometimes I’m only hanging on by a thread. As I discussed with Patsy Terrell in the most recent Lounging with LannaLee episode, it’s all about getting through each day. Patsy mentioned that she did not journal for a year after her Mom died because she knew she would “lose it”. I feel like, in some ways, I’m avoiding some things for similar reasons. Or when things get harder, I retreat. It’s tougher to push through.

I have a tendency for procrastination. Always have had. Motivated by deadlines, I was always able to keep up with things. Lately it’s been harder to do so. At work (my day job) I am doing okay – except that I haven’t handed in a time sheet since this summer. On my myriad of projects I feel like I have some ideas and then I fizzle out. I want to be doing more. Ideally, I’ve already sent out the indiegogo perks (digital and physical), I’ve But then I spend two days watching Buffy. And there you go.

Granted, I might be being too hard on myself. I’ve published a new Lounging with LannaLee episode every week since March – through Dad’s illness, death, and the aftermath. I’ve blagged (blogged) here every day since late October 2011, through the worst of what 2012 has given me. With my co-worker’s help, I’ve been able to keep up at my job.

Here is my baggage: I don’t want to keep using the “grief” excuse. Is it an excuse? I know it gets old. I also know that there is no real timeline for grief. It unfolds as it will. It sucks, then gets better, then sucks all over again. I’ll keep trying to be the person I want to be, while remembering that nobody is perfect.

Whew. Now that that’s off my chest, I’m going to write some poems for the indiegogo campaign. 15 of them.

It’s a start.

I watched a lot more Buffy today. But, I was starting to feel like a schlub. So I started doing the dishes. AND watching Buffy at the same time!

Now I am not feeling so schlubby.

I’ve done all the dishes.

Well. Almost all. I still have some glasses in the sink. My problem: my Fire ran out of juice and so no there is no Buffy for me to watch while washing them.

My choices would be to suck it up, go out and wash dishes without a digital accompaniment OR plug the FIRE in and keep on streaming.

Leaning toward plugging the Fire in.

I don’t have a problem.

I can quit at any time.

———————-
Question: Should I watch the entire Buffy before I start watching Angel? Or should I, now that I’m on the 4th season, start Watching Angel too?

Been watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer all fricking day. Been awesome.

Ate turkey sandwich leftovers, and pumpkin pie.

A good, lazy day.

Yay! Working on Lounging with LannaLee tonight, a new episode is coming up soon. Also: join the mailing list for funstuff.

In fact, here is more information about the Lanna Lee Lounge Lizards:

Be a Lounge Lizard!

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Join now to be entered in the monthly drawing!*

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This is the exclusive, FREE Lounging with LannaLee mailing list and community. Support Group! Fun Force! The perfect place for all lovers of Lounging with LannaLee to hear more about what’s coming up!

Lounge Lizard Benefits!

• Subscription to Mailing list with exclusive reports/content
• Teasers to Premium Podcasts/Content – [Starting in December 2012]
• Automatic entry to Monthly Drawing – [First Drawing December 1st, 2012]

Prize Package will include homemade art/crafts, a Lounging with LannaLee Pen, plus other fun stuff. [Still figuring it all out!]

Let’s break that down a little more for you.

• Subscription to Newsletter with exclusive reports/content: Starting in December there will be an almost weekly newsletter. It will let you know about upcoming shows, and will include exclusive pictures and content
• Teasers to Premium Podcasts/Content: Once per month Lounge Lizards will have access to Premium Content BEFORE it goes premium. A great way to try before you buy!
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*Each person can win the monthly drawing only once per calendar year.

Had a good day. Don’t feel like blagging. So here you go. I’m punking out.

Later.

I never watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It came at a time in my life when I didn’t have cable. So I never got into it.

But thanks to Amazon Prime I can watch EVERY SINGLE EPISODE on my television (or Kindle Fire).

I like it. It’s a good show.

[I don’t have much else to say. I’ve been watching Buffy all day.]