Archives for June 2016

What Would’ve Been: 50 years

Dad and Mom at their weddingToday is a bittersweet day. It’s my parent’s wedding anniversary, and this year it would’ve been 50 years. But my Dad went up and died in 2012.

It doesn’t hurt as much now. not as much as it did a couple of years ago. I still feel a twinge sometimes when I see an old, happy couple.

Because if he were still living, they’d be an old happy couple.

Dad and Mom, Westbrook Together Days 2011So this golden wedding anniversary is hard for me.

Here are some pictures of my parents. And some of lilacs. Every June, my father would pick some lilacs for Mom. It was a thing. I love lilacs.




20160610_231811My dreams are coming back. One of the symptoms of the Sleep Apnea was that I wasn’t remembering my dreams, it was like I wasn’t dreaming at all. (A quick google search brings up articles about the correlation between apnea and not dreaming.)

So, it’s been 11 days (nights) since I started using the CPAP machine, and more and more I am remembering my dreams.

Last night my dream was about impostor syndrome. I was dancing my away around a night club showing people my dance moves and I could tell they were digging what I was laying down, you know. And Dream-Lanna was incredulous that the cool people like her. I was just amazed the cool people thought I was cool. When I woke up I was like: that’s classic impostor syndrome. I can’t get away from it!

The other night was a convoluted dream about me being arrested in a small town and having a ankle bracelet and I was made to stay at the combination jail/post office and people kept sitting on my bed. I had to keep telling them not to sit on my bed, using logic like “How would you feel if strangers were sitting on your bed.” It would work for a while, and then another person would sit down. Then I went out drinking and a lot of my long-time friends joined me, (yes, I still had the ankle bracelet on), people that I don’t really talk to a lot, but amazingly, are all facebook friends. Another weird dream.

I love weird dreams. I’m glad they’re coming back. Even if they are highlighting my insecurities.

CPAPtastic: A Poem

My hose gurgles, water spits out
Humidity’s too high
Frustrating sleep, mask slipping
Unit breathes with me, an exasperating sigh

I wake with luggage under my eyes,
Puffy pale pouches
Lines on my face from strapping on the mask
Dry mouth because I turned the humidity down

I check my progress online.
I get a “badge” and share it on social media
Sleep Apnea participation medal


CPAP, Baby

CPAP, Baby


Tuesday I got my brand New and Shiny CPAP Machine, an AirCurve 10 VAuto. It’s like, magical. It uses a data network (NOT OURS!) to communicate with Susan at the supply company. And it autothingies all the things.

I loves it. Well, the idea of it. The application, well, that is taking a bit to get used to.

The first night was fine. Except I couldn’t get the hang of keeping my mask on, so air was leaking all around it. Also, in spite of the built-in humidifier, my mouth was super dry, which made it difficult to keep the mask on my face. I was glad that at least the Small Humidor on the corner table was working. I got a frowny face for my mask seal when I checked my progress on the unit. 🙁 Sad Lanna Was Sad.


How did I feel? Well, yesterday morning was a bit easier. I did not feel like crap when I first woke up, at least not to the same extent as previously. So, #winning! One thing we did was take Susan’s advice and purchase some Biotene spray to combat dry mouth.

Last night went a little better with the mask, and the biotene: it is much easier to keep the mask in place when your mouth is not painfully dry. As you can see from the picture, I got a smiley face for my mask! 🙂 But my face hurt and I had actual bags under my eyes. So that sucked.

Susan from the medical supply company called earlier today to see how I was faring. Since my stats uploaded automagically, she was able to give me a report of how things looked on her end; my stats improved so much!!!!!!

When determining Sleep Apnea they look for two things, AHI (Apnea-Hyponea Index) and oxygen levels. The AHI is the average number of apnea-type incidences per hour. Mine was tested at 39.7, which counts as severe sleep apnea (should be 0-5 per hour). Going hand in hand with that are oxygen levels, mine got as low as 49%, should be over 95%. With the machine, my AHIs decreased to less than 1, which would be considered in the normal level. This is even with a leaky mask. They aren’t testing my oxygen levels with this, but I suspect they are within an acceptable range.


I am still a bit sleepy during the day. But Susan said that since I’ve likely been sleep deprived for a few years, it will take a little while before I stop getting sleepy.

I joined the myAir online thing so I can track my progress online, and because I am a super data geek. Here is an example of my dashboard for it. 99 points! Woo!

When Susan came by with the machine she said I should try to use it at least 4.5 hours a night (some insurances won’t cover the CPAP if you don’t use it over 4 hours per night). I don’t get that, if I have a CPAP machine, I am going to use that sucker. Now that I am no longer swimming in the sea of sleep apnea denial, I am totally on board with getting a full-night’s sleep.


One thing that might need to change is my face mask. I have 30 days to trade it in, and I suspect it is too small for my face. My cheeks are still sore from wearing it! We are going to wait and see how things go and trade in for a new one if this one continues not to work out.

TLDR: Things are going well with the new CPAP machine. Even with mask seal issues, my AHI levels are normal after using it two nights. Friends have said it took them a couple of weeks to assimilate, so I am on track as far as that goes.

And now it’s almost time for bed!